Category Archives: Humor

Fluffy Goes to India: AND it’s Actually Not So Bad

When I saw this video on my YouTube queue, I thought, here we go: another brutally racist and culturally ignorant diatribe against Indian people like millions of other comedy skits we have seen before when Westerners visit the Old Country. Was it going to be another minstrel show making fun of Indian people urinating on the streets?

I was actually pleasantly surprised. Gabriel Iglesias was not so bad in his thoughtful and at times intelligent observations about India. He did not intend to make fun of his India trip, but rather share what he learned. See for yourself!

India is changing fast. We are seeing many more foreign visitors, including celebrities, make it over. Indians and the Indian diaspora should show some interest in what these folks, even comedians, are saying about India.

Why Was Hasan Minhaj BANNED from #HowdyModi in Houston?

In a bizarre twist of events, Hasan Minhaj was actually featured on the Jumbotron at the #HowdyModi rally in Houston last week attended by Prime Minister Narendra Modi, President Trump, and numerous other dignitaries… but physically banned from attending the Indian-American love fest at NRG stadium. How did this gross injustice occur?

Because Minhaj had criticized Modi on his show previously. Find out more from this hilarious video clip on the Seth Meyers Late Night show. The organizers of this event were clearly petty and small people. At least Seth Meyers gave the man some love- and didn’t leave him out of the studio. Much better venue anyway!

Trump Should Spend a Lifelong Exile in India

OH NARRUNDER… THAT FEELS SOOO GOOD…via breitbart.com

No sooner did I sit down to write about the #HowdyModi event in Houston, where Trump and Modi expressed their flattery for one another last week in an embarrassing display by two wannabe strongmen in a sold-out NRG stadium of 50,000 writhing brown bodies, we were all distracted by the exploding prospects of impeachment.

usindiamonitor had previously witnessed up close Modi’s previous US addresses at Madison Square Garden and the US House of Representatives. In Congress I had enough insider access to even shake Modi’s hand briefly after his address as Speaker Paul Ryan escorted him- something I wouldn’t do again. And in Houston, we witnessed a full-on hand holding beyond the handshake.

This event was different, as Trump showed up to bask in some of Modi’s adulation by an Indian-American crowd that was visibly conflicted on the day. Most Indian-Americans are more Democrat than #MAGAt crowd, but they politely listened and clapped. The main takeaway of the event is that the two leaders would agree to leave each other alone as they continued to conduct vast criminal conspiracies against humanity in their respective countries.

Due to the upcoming impeachment, it is unlikely that Trump will ever appear as president in front of an Indian-American crowd again. So let’s hope it was enjoyed by all. Let’s think of the perfect outcome, which could come next.

The drastic change in events of the last week gave me an idea. Why not let Trump spend the rest of his years in comfortable exile, in India? It’s the perfect retirement plan for him and his grifter family. India is even more corrupt and influence-peddling than he could ever hope to be, there is plenty of money to be made in real estate, and he can surround himself with elephants and psychophants, apologists and lackeys to a level unrivaled anywhere else in the world. India has taken corruption to the level of art form. Trump’s crimes could go on unpunished in luxury, and even applauded and feted. India is still legendarily a feudal society, and Trump would love living there and becoming a modern day nabob of the British Raj.

A land of bribery and extortion is to Trump and his minions, the Land of Milk and Honey. Can you imagine the red carpet that India would roll out for this gangster? He could live atop the Trump Tower in Mumbai instead of New York, looking down in self-satisfaction on the slums of suffering people instead of Central Park and Fifth Avenue. He could shoot someone in the head in Dharawi, and receive a medal for it from Narendra Modi (as long as the poor chap was Muslim). He could swim in a rooftop cesspool full of black money with his daughter Ivanka in a string bikini, laughing as happy as a shark. He could ride around in a motorcade of Marutis, shutting down traffic for long periods of time everywhere he went like all the other baabus trying to flex their small nuts and feel good about themselves.

Trump was born in the wrong era in America to fit in. But today, he would fit in quite snugly in the confines of Indian society. It would be a win-win; America could rid itself of the scourge, and Modi would even pay the cheapskate’s one-way ticket on Air India for him to bolster his own image. These two were meant to be together in an embrace of ass-kissing.

Shared Dreams, Bright Futures, indeed.

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

WATCH NOW: Grandpa Kitchen YouTube Channel

My new favorite cooking show on YouTube is an unlikely candidate. Being experienced in Indian cooking, I don’t often go online to find out how Indian people like to make things, because I can go to my mother or other personally known experts for subcontinental cuisine data mining. I’d rather learn about say, Chinese or South American recipes. So I was skeptical when YouTube’s AI algorithms suggested something new, which I very nearly skipped over. But Grandpa Kitchen is a program based in India that has stolen my heart, despite the cooking show not even having any sort of kitchen to speak of. And I’m not alone: there are millions of hits per video and a massive global fan base including nearly 6 million subscribers built up in just the last two years. You could call it a sensation, and it’s pretty unique at that.

Grandpa Kitchen features an elderly, weather-beaten gentleman with a gangster silver mustache who dons a lungi and does all of the cooking outdoors on a Telangana farm over open flames in giant pots, pans, or grills. The scenery is gorgeous and peaceful. The quantities of both vegetarian and non-vegetarian food being prepared are gigantic, because “Grandpa” Narayana Reddy and his team feed the food to a large group of needy town orphans at the end of every episode in a touching display of charity that never fails to melt my heart. The grub is also world-class, and besides Indian Grandpa expertly makes Japanese, Italian, American, Chinese, and other types of dishes exceedingly well. I have seen over a dozen episodes at this point, and every single recipe looks perfectly seasoned and on-point despite the massive quantities of seafood, vegetables, meat, fats and spices required each time. The ratio just gets nailed, along with the timing over an open fire. This guy has been living food all his life and it shows.

Perhaps best of all, like all great grandparents, Grandpa has this sense of humor that is at once disarmingly self-deprecating, compassionate, and cocky. Grandpa clearly knows he is now a celebrated star on YouTube, and he knows he is a master chef, but also accepts that his accent, limited use of English words, actions and mannerisms are all comical, so he hams it up. In one of my favorite mannerisms, in every episode you will see him introduce himself to the audience in a heavy Indian accent, “This is YOUR Grandpa!” Yes sir, mine are both long gone sadly, and I am letting you fill right in.

We cannot think of a better charity to get behind right now in India. Support this channel so they keep going! Watch it now for fun! Donate on their Patreon Page! Learn how to make some awesome food in the process!

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

JUMP RIGHT IN GRANDPA SAYS IT’S OK!

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WATCH: John Oliver’s Mt. Everest Takedown

Mt. Everest has become a trendy climb for the wealthy. But all is not what it seems at this South Asian destination seemingly at the top of the world. Watch this now!

The New Tan Commandments of Pervert Orangutan

It’s about time that we updated this hallowed document that has formed the basis for laws, constitutions, and general morality for centuries. Clearly the original one is pointedly outdated. Drafted here are the new (Spray) Tan Commandments in modern America thanks to Pervert Orangutan. Now THIS is the roadmap for how you MAGA.

MADE IN CHINA OF COURSE… via indiatimes.com
  1. Cheat on AND rape your first wife.
  2. Cheat on your second wife who you met while cheating on your first wife.
  3. Cheat on your third wife, especially during the childbirth of your son, with a porn star and Playboy bunny, then cover up and lie about the affairs with your mushroom shaped penis.
  4. Cheat on your taxes, take $415 million from Daddy, and tell your fans that he only gave you $1 million to explain how you lost it all.
  5. Create a charity and campaign for president just to embezzle even more money.
  6. Start a fake university and rob millions of dollars from poor people.
  7. Wherever possible, Grab Them by the Pu$$y.
  8. Rip off your contractors, hire illegal aliens, and have Daddy buy casino chips to keep your sinking casino afloat.
  9. Foment racism and white supremacy by claiming America’s first black president and last real president wasn’t born in America.
  10. Conspire with and aspire to join the league of dick taters.

VIDEO: Pervert Orangutan is Worshipped by More Indian Goondas

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Mahanth is Editor of usindiamonitor

One of the most fascinating and strikingly bizarre aspects of the Pervert Orangutan Presidency (POP) and its Fourth Reich happens not in America, which is the least great we’ve ever been, but in rural India where poor, uneducated Hindu nationalists have latched onto this Pervert Orangutan as if he is some kind of god.  As a Hindu, I’ll be the first to admit that we’ve got some issues.  If you need proof, just watch this brief video by Ruptly…

I don’t blame these people, who clearly have very little in their lives; I blame the United States for creating a long con where the poorest in both America and India are the most cruelly victimized.  The rest of us can only look on with horror and disgust until the nightmare mercifully ends.

The irony? These poor brown folk and Hinduism surely disgust Pervert Orangutan far more than they could ever bother you or I.

 

Founding Fathers Frankly Flay Trump

*Writer’s note: Credit Bill Maher and his guest, historian John Meachem, for briefly discussing on Friday what the founding fathers may have thought of the current nightmare American government has morphed into.  Meachem cleverly insinuated that the fathers might have actually been surprised that it took THIS long to get a tyrant into power.  This got me thinking, and writing.

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

***

GW = George Washington;

TJ = Thomas Jefferson;

BF = Benjamin Franklin

The three men are seated in a bar on M Street, Georgetown, in Washington, DC, May 2018, sipping ale

GW:    Want me to be frank?  Honestly I feel energized…  Oh glorious day!  Finally, Americans will have the chance once again to fight a tyrant who endeavors to rule over them and once again, prove their mettle to the world!  What luck for the citizens of 2018 to be born into an era on the razor’s edge between democracy and dictatorship not seen for so long, not since 1776.  242 years of laziness and complacency have not the Republic served well.

TJ:      George, as per usual proving much the indefatigable and overconfident jock…always relishing, nay, spoiling for the next fight.  Your masculinity and raging hormones at times cloud your judgment, methinks.  And the Yoda thing, you’ve been watching too much Star Wars lately, Sir.

BF:      Speaking of.  My labs are quite close to reverse engineering a portable light saber, which may one day yet prove fruitful to my secret Jedi contacts at the US Special Forces Command (SOCOM).

TJ:        But you do digress, Benjamin.

BF:       Indeed, but I do digress from your very own digression.  Digressions and transgressions are those aspects of our personalities which make us human, Thomas.  Embrace them like the polymath you are.

TJ:         Benjamin, ever the philosopher.  Coming back to this tyrant, this Pervert Orangutan of sorts.

GW:       This tyrant who lies in bed eating cheeseburgers two miles away from us will be defeated by the institutions and systems we put into place to check and balance just such a vile figure.  We were brilliant in our framings and ruminations in the late 18th century.

TJ:           You are quite upbeat, old chap.  But what if the tyrant beats the patriots this time and our little experiment goes to shit within just 242 years?  What if he succeeds in cancelling democracy?

GW:        Did I sit around crying in the freezing winter cold of Valley Forge, my men dying of hypothermia and lacking even food rations or shoes, obsessed by the specter of defeat, allowing my troops to witnesseth my mourning in my own depression well before anti-depressant pills were even invented?

BF:          Bravo, George.  But let us not underestimate the lengths I went to in Paris, wining and dining my way across town and wooing all manner of ladies to gain the trust of the Versaille court and bring France to our cause.

GW:          Such hardships you had to overcome, Benjamin.  Without exploring the cracks, one will not find the Liberty Bell that today does yet ring so sweet and true, eh?

BF:          We aren’t so different, you and I.  George, you are a born pugilist and I, a natural diplomat.  One hand washes the other.

GW:        We also happen to agree that light sabers are fabulous, and of the highest order of importance is their speedy production without delay for our soldiers at arms.

TJ:            We seem to have a political party, the Repugnicans, that is somehow fallen in line 100% behind the tyrant and his dictatorial tendencies.  Those within the party ranks who speak out are raked over the coals most cruelly and unusually.

GW:          Didn’t we ban such punishing behaviors in the outset?

TJ:             Tell that to the boys of Abu-Grab!

BF:            In seriousness, perhaps the threat of gravest import is the number of our American descendents who are so willing to support the tyrant no matter what he does.  He could shoot a person on 5th Avenue, but the sheep would still follow.  Some citizens seem to have forgotten the value of democracy, voting rights, human dignity, a free press, and facts.  Without these, our little experiment could be dead in the water.

TJ:              These fools stand at 40% of the adult population only, and not enough to maintain the corrupt tyranny for long.

GW:            Let us be honest with ourselves, Sirs.  WE too, miss our slaves.

BF:               Of course.  But most people moved on long ago, while some others did not, especially in those pesky former southern colonies built on cotton, tobacco, and loathing.

GW:              The institutions led by patriotic Americans will always win against the wannabe tyrants.  We baked it into the system.  We will see victorious patriots winning the elections, marching in the streets, gaining the upper hand in courts, and in general waking up the country to the potential for possibility and progress.

TJ:                What will become of those supporters of the tyrant who witness their pipe dreams of white male supremacy and retrograde social rules cruelly dragged along and dashed to the ground once and for all?

BF:              Who cares about what happened to the loyal deputies of King George who wanted to see US lose?  Their time on the wrong side of history too shall soon come to pass in front of the world.

GW:            Anon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

COMIC: WHY WE BEEFING?

VIDEO: Does the Simpsons’ Apu Need a Do-Over?

Comedian Hari Kondabulu gave millions of Indians around the world a voice by tackling the subject of Apu from the multi-decade hit cartoon sitcom, The Simpsons.  He decided to make a documentary film called “The Problem with Apu” on TruTV which asks some fundamental questions about Apu and why he has to be the way he is.  As we all know, Apu is a minstrel with a fake accent and his appearances comprise an unending parade of unforgivably unfunny stereotypes of an Indian convenience store owner in any town USA.

So ingrained is Apu on the world’s consciousness that when I went to a remote region of Brazil where they never see any Indians, many of the locals nicknamed me Apu for the week.  This is literally the first thing that people who have never met Indians think about when they see an Indian.

The documentary is worth watching, whether you believe Indians are being way too sensitive about Apu, or you are outraged by the minstrel portrayal of Indians by white voice actor, Hank Azaria.  Above you will see the TruTV trailer.

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

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