Donald Trump is a Tool. Use It to Your Advantage Like I Did.
All of my life, I had heard about the concept of depression from other people, but it always appeared to me as a foreign object that I would struggle to understand. People I know over the years would talk about their depressions or nervous breakdowns, or those of their own family members and friends. But I would be on the outside looking in, like watching it snow inside a snow globe but not understanding what it would be like to get 5 feet of snow dumped on top of my head and stay buried under it.
All that would change. November 8, 2016 started out great enough. As a New York City civil servant, I got election day off that day, just like I had every year. I woke up on that nice fall day in Brooklyn and went to vote at a school in my awesome neighborhood called Cobble Hill. There was a beautiful five year old girl waiting in line with her mother, and on my way out she asked her mom if she could get an “I voted today” sticker that she saw on people’s shirts. Just as her mom told her it had to be earned by adults who voted, I gave the little girl my own. I felt great and so did the little girl.
It was a happy moment for me, and the first of many on the day. I hung out for the rest of the day off with my good friends in the hipster enclave of Red Hook, joking, laughing, eating, drinking, walking, talking, flirting with strangers, and trying to soak in the fact that within a few hours, America would finally vote in its first female president in history.
By 11pm that night, I went into a state of physical and mental shock. I exchanged a set of WhatsApp messages with my close relative, who was sitting on a beach in India and drinking beers early in the morning, India time, seeing the same live US election results that I was. Indeed, he had predicted Trump’s victory months earlier, but I refused to entertain even a hint of that thought. “Are you doing okay?” he asked. For the first time in my life, after quick consideration I responded to him with the honesty that a close relative and friend deserved: “No,” I replied.
***
It sounds cheesy to say this when so many people have worse problems than me, like painful stages of cancer, dead children, blindness, or missing legs. Plus I am by no means alone in falling into a dark abyss late in 2016. But I had to admit to myself that my world had shattered. Many others probably felt as bad or worse, for example those who worked on Hillary’s election campaign and were cheated out of victory.
But I can only speak for myself. I finally learned what depression meant, the hard way, as I mourned the end of America as we knew it. It was like a family member I loved dying. My optimism, which always drove me for 36 years of life was melting away in real time. I went from an optimist to a cynic. And being unused to cynicism, I found out for the first time that it’s a very hard way to live.
I have always had jobs since my 16th birthday, and I always worked hard. But on November 9th, 2016, I could not do a single shred of work properly. I sat and largely stared at my computer screen. My body felt frozen. My mind was numb. I couldn’t focus for more than three minutes at a time. I was surrounded by colleagues who were going through the same thing, and on this particular day, it was considered acceptable and almost predictable to be useless and unproductive. After all, most of us lived and worked together in New York City. We knew the criminal scumbag con man Trump better than anyone else did. It wasn’t us who voted that cunt and his evil family in, it was the rest of the country’s fault. Not that it made us New Yorkers feel any better.
The next few months were painful as I descended into feeling hopeless and helpless about the world, and wondering what the point of it all was if we were headed toward destroying humanity and our planet anyway at some point soon. Family members and friends were feeling many of the same cynical things and didn’t offer a way out. I burned. I started giving up on trying to be healthy, or caring about current events, or the future. Classic depression type symptoms. And I was smart enough to know it.
But then something happened. By February 2017 we began seeing the flickering glimmer of a path towards Trump’s takedown and impeachment, which I am now confident is inevitable. I went through a few dark and deep spiritual experiences in this period of time. My optimism gradually and slowly re-emerged, like a glorious Phoenix from the ashes of the very fire that had burned me.
I got serious about writing fiction, something I had been talking and thinking about since I was 12 years old. I entered a fiction contest on a whim and got second place. I became active on Twitter, starting arguments and rants and making jokes, and it all felt therapeutic during a hard time. I started donating to political campaigns, and signing petitions. I regained some of the joy and fun in dating, which had been absent for several years since my divorce, a period when I viewed dating as a chore and a bore. I initiated a serious job search process, which resulted in me moving out of New York City to Wisconsin to take on a new job, career trajectory, and life in an extremely different place. I began playing the tablas again after a 20 year hiatus. I began playing the drum set again after a 20 year hiatus. And between 2017 and early 2018, I finally completed a first draft of my novel manuscript.
If I were to blame Trump for feeling depressed, it would only be fair to assign my nearly pathological quest to improve myself in isolation on an island while the world was falling apart all around me, to his specter too. I was forcibly stuffed into a dark place by a monster. I feel that I have clawed my way out of the hole. Shouldn’t the monster get at least some of the credit too?
I believe so. And I also think that other people, and the national conscience as a collective may be able to do the same, and use the sorrow and hate and rage and depression to their advantage, and our advantage. Donald Trump, his supporters, and all of the evil that they represent can be viewed as a giant stress test– on you, on me, on the country, and on the world. Assuming we survive the stress test, we will be better off. That which does not kill you will make you stronger.
I feel like I am living proof of that. Now, when the idiot tweets something, threatens somebody, lies about something, bombs somewhere, or goes golfing while the world burns, I don’t give a shit like I used to. I ignore it. He is too dumb to be worth my time. SCREW HIM. It’s up to the creaky system now. Let the old white Republican men like Comey, Mueller, Rosenstein, Flake, Corker, and McCain take out their own trash.
I’m going to be over here, working on becoming a constantly new and improving version of myself. Thank you. I mean that sincerely for helping me become a better man. I am using you like the tool that you are.
-Mahanth S. Joishy
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Meet the Biggest Indian-American Traitor in US History
Indian-Americans tend to be loyal to the United States. They generally work or study, raise their families, and peacefully go about their business as doctors or cab drivers or hotel owners. Some sign up to be in government (like me) or the military. They tend to be liberal, but they do float across the political spectrum. They win almost every spelling bee.
Rarely will you find an Indian-American shooting up a school, joining a gang, starting a supremacist militia, or getting recruited by ISIS or Al-Qaeda. While these things might occur, they happen at far lower rates than with other diasporas. Most people credit education and family structure for these things, like with other successful communities.
Therefore, when someone from our diaspora commits active treason against the United States, it becomes sort of a big deal because such cases are so few and far between. Dig and scrape through the archives back to 1776, and you’ll be hard-pressed to find what’s right in front of our faces today. I present to you Exhibit A, the deplorable White House Principal Deputy Press Secretary, Raj Shah, a traitor not just to Indian-Americans like Bobby Jindal is, but to the United States itself.
Unsurprisingly for a Trump appointee, Raj is reckless. His DWI conviction for a booze-soaked BMW ride in New Mexico got him fired from a political job in 2010. Want to bet that the time he got caught was the only time Raj went a-boozin’ and a-drivin’? Perfect fit in this administration full of boozers, wife-beaters, racists, traitors, misogynists, money launderers, gangsters, and perverts, right?
Now we don’t use the word *traitor* lightly, and not all of those cursed souls in the White House deserve that label. Only the ones outright lying to cover up crimes against the United States, like Shah’s disgusting boss, Sarah Huckaberry Colonel Sanders whom the guy must have learned so much from. He has been fortunate to learn from the very worst. On February 8th, Shah gave her the day off and fumbled through a press conference about the administration’s extremely poor handling of wife-beater Rob Porter’s employment, and worse, personally defended Porter himself repeatedly. Shah embarrassed all Indians around the world that day. On top of it all, he was an overmatched, unprepared blathering idiot on the podium: he was not even good at being a bad human being.
But the treason against the United States has taken place in relation to Russia. Shah is knee deep in the #TrumpRussia scandal, defending his boss’s illegal activities time and again, hyping up the obstructive Devin Nunes memo, casting aspersions on the Steele dossier, and repeating wing nut nonsense about FISA warrants, all of which smells very much like obstruction of justice.
Congratulations, Raj. You are the biggest Indian-American traitor in US history. I hope you go down hard along with your false idols Colonel Huckaberry and Captain Bonespur.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
PS: Nikki Haley today saved herself from joining the Indian-American treason this week by squarely blaming Russia for the chemical terrorism in the UK. Raj, it’s not too late to get on the right side of history.
MILITARY PARADE? NO. WE NEED A US CYBER FORCE.
We spend upwards of $600 billion annually on our military, and yet we do a subpar job in protecting our business and political interests from the Chinese, Russians, and others robbing us blind, hacking our elections, stealing the plans from weapons systems and federal government personnel files, etc.
The problem is structural. No entity is accountable for our cyber arena threat matrix- both offensive and defensive capabilities. There’s the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, Pentagon, Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, NSA, and the list goes on.
Whose fault was RussiaGate? Whose job is it to respond? WE ARE AT WAR. We should be going on the offensive. And the future isn’t tanks, and jets, and carriers, and missiles. We already dominate those categories, and we are still left unprotected and vulnerable. We can’t even run a clean election or a free and truthful press, those most basic tenets of democracy.
The United States must create, ASAP, a new military branch on par with the Army, Navy, and Air Force called the United States Cyber Force. It’s not just land, air, and sea anymore. It must have cutting-edge technical and personnel resources to show overwhelming AND disproportionate force if any nation or terrorist group or criminal organization ever decides to attack America’s cyber infrastructure.
I’m writing a novel about this. But this is more important than that. It’s about patriotism, and it’s not partisan at all. We need to make it reality. Today. The clock is ticking, and no less than our democracy is at stake.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
AMERICAN HERO FOR THE AGES
Robert Mueller and his team are leading the effort to save American democracy at a time when democracy is in deep peril. He will go down in the history books as one of the greatest Americans ever, despite never holding high elected office. Mark my words. Godspeed, Robert Mueller. The real patriots are behind you.
GET ‘EM.
The Democratic Party Must Stop Being So Shockingly Pathetic
The Democratic Party is a poorly run organization. It’s shockingly pathetic and disunited. Somebody please give these people a wake-up call. Democrats are quite obviously and measurably superior to Republicans when it comes to brain function, moral high ground, inclusion, integrity, and general policy. For the first time ever, Democrats have even whisked the mantles of national security and law & order from the opposition.
I’ve never been a Democrat in my entire life and I’m still not there yet, though I believe that will change in 2018 for the first time. My first political hero as of middle school was a party-less and radically conservative presidential candidate named Ross Perot. Until Bernie ran for President, he was a true knee-jerk independent socialist and my favorite politician for a number of recent years. As an adult, I’ve also always registered Independent to vote.
I have never identified as a Democrat or a Republican. Although I largely lean liberal on social policies, I’m fiscally more conservative and a believer in small, nimble, clean, effective government- philosophies which Republicans have decided to abdicate wholesale and Democrats rarely follow. I have worked in government my entire adult life, most of it under Republican administrations. And neither party has felt like home to me, though I vote Democrat a majority of the time. The Republicans, because they are slowly degenerating into pure distilled evil in dumb, naked, knuckle-dragging Neanderthal form; and Democrats, because they’re so damn pathetic.
The Democrats’ original sin in my adult life is a complete lack of political will. Somehow Democrats always manage to bring knives to the gun fight, as Bill Maher likes to say. They like to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. On top of that Democrats lack unity, always finding ways to split the party into factions. In the fateful 2000 campaign, Al Gore stupidly distanced himself from a popular Bill Clinton simply due to some blowjobs and cigars moistened with vaginal juice. If that hadn’t happened, Gore would have won decisively, but he lacked the most basic political instincts or will to survive an easy election against a weak candidate surrounded for a staff by his one-term dad’s fossils. Even worse, Gore won the popular vote and also the electoral college legitimately, but still bent over and handed the election illegitimately over to George W. Bush thanks to a corrupt Florida Republican government run by the candidate’s own brother, Jeb!
There was a *wink, nod* and we had hanging or pregnant chads, re-counts, lawsuits, and various instances of cheating which led to W taking office on a party line Supreme Court decision, changing the course of American and world history for the worse. Gore’s team did not engage in the fight tooth and nail the way the Republicans did. Many liberals defected to the inimitable Ralph Nader. Gore conceded too early. He gave up under both superior and more shameless firepower in the legal fights after election night. In other words, Gore did what Democrats almost always do. Forget that Dems should be winning these elections against flawed opponents running away. They even manage to lose elections that they really did win (2000 and 2016).
There are two notable exceptions, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, two once-in-a-lifetime politicians and the brightest spots in the Democratic party over the last 40 years. Without them, there is little of the same fight, scrap, political will, toughness, and brute intelligence in what we see in the Democratic Party or its pedigree today. But this is no longer acceptable. They need to be fighting tooth and nail now.
The Democratic Party, and it scares the crap out of me to say this, is the only thing that stands between #PervertOrangutan, and dictatorship. In 2018, I am going to become a Democrat for the first time in my life. Grudgingly. Kicking and screaming. Not for any good reasons at all. We are frighteningly close to losing democracy itself. Republicans have shown their true colors, figuring themselves to be more than happy to cancel democracy, commit treason, follow the #PervertOrangutan in and out of the gates of hell, and give dictatorship at least the old college try. What could possibly be better for the rich donors propping up the GOP than dictatorship and oligarchy above the reaches of laws? The Koch Brothers and Donald Trump and Jared Kushner and Paul Ryan and Sean Hannity are more easily understood not as political figures but corrupt Russian oligarchs, leading the destruction of America and the planet with Putin’s help but pretending to act within the rules of democracy they have trampled over.
Yet Democrats lose elections and Supreme Court seats and legislative battles day in and day out as if they expect those things to happen. Millions of Democrat women voters marched around AFTER Trump was inaugurated, not enough of them marching to the ballot box when they were needed. Obama, as great a president as he was, made the unforgivable mistake of not retaliating publicly and more forcefully as the Russians openly helped steal an election on his watch, taking an astounding preponderance of caution in order to project integrity in the process. Little good that caution does us now as we sink agonizingly close to dictatorship. Again, a knife to a gunfight.
Contrast that with what Republicans would have done. If Obama’s people were caught secretly talking to the Russians during the 2008 campaign, let’s say in 2006 and 2007, America would have dragged Obama off in chains to such a deep and dark hole within Guantanamo Bay, we’d never see him again. And yet through all this the Democrats are nearly helpless to respond to the GOP’s bid to dismantle democracy. It is older white male Republicans like Robert Mueller, Jim Comey, Rod Rosenstein, Christopher Wray, and John McCain we are now depending on to man the front lines in the epic war between good and evil. So thoroughly depleted are the Democrat ranks at all levels of federal and state government power, Democrats are relegated to supporting courageous Republican efforts to take on #PervertOrangutan from the back bench.
Figures such as Mark Warner, Adam Schiff, Eric Schneiderman, and Ted Lieu are admirably accomplishing what they can from the JV team. But they need some serious help. 2018 must be a blue wave, or we may as well give up on democracy. For this to happen, Democrats need to mobilize like they never have before.
There are some promising signs. As a feminist, I am looking forward to women kicking some ass this fall and knocking off their sexist opponents in politics, entertainment, and business. New Congressional candidates such as “Iron Stache” Randy Bryce in Wisconsin give me hope, despite uphill battles. Politicians like Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris, and Corey Booker will soon be ready for the big time, and promise the party will have a bright future in 2020 and beyond.
But we need to get past the past. Hillary lost, and so did Bernie before that, and the party won’t survive if it continues to re-litigate what bad blood was spilled between the two in 2015 and 2016. The Clintons ran the party from about 1992 till 2008. They had their chances and their fun and did many things well. It’s time to move on.
So there it is, 2018. You are the year when I decided to become a full-throated Democrat for the first time. I am going to volunteer for campaigns and donate money to them. I am going to write about stuff. Foremost in my mind is the unresolved question of whether Democrats can stop being so shockingly pathetic. We will soon find out.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor.
Michael Jackson’s Love Affair with India
2016 MJ Statue Unveiling Ceremony in Chennai. via indiawest.com
We now know that American Empire reached its peak in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s before the inevitable downward slide we’re now stuck on. While American power was bringing the USSR or Iraq to its knees (a favor those Cold Warrior Comrades and ISIS monsters are paying us back in {//:spades//} this moment), it was also ripping the existing world’s popular music scene playbook to shreds and tossing it into the ocean. Michael Jackson, the foremost cultural artifact that America produced at the apex of its very highest peak, romped freely across the Earth to sold-out stadiums and crying adult fans who urinated themselves and thought suicidal thoughts paradoxically stemming from uncontrollable pure love and joy emotions. People didn’t know how to feel the feelings they were feeling around the King of Pop.
That transition from 80’s into 90’s was also MJ’s peak as far as we can tell on all objective metrics except what was in this bizarre and gifted human’s mind. Physically he was indisputably in top dance and voice form. He was simply the greatest entertainer to ever live. Not only was he pair bonding with the attractive spawn of Elvis Presley himself, MJ was as yet unstained or unsullied by charges of child molestation and other uniquely weird and mysterious life trajectories which would dog him around until his premature but perhaps merciful death in 2009 (on usindiamonitor‘s wedding day).
In the neverland that time forgot, before Internet and social media, MJ went more viral than a vicious flu outbreak. His raw and sexual tentacle porn tentacles tickled everything and everywhere. Virtually all of India’s youth knew Michael Jackson, the endless child. In this the nation was truly unexceptional. India was just another domino in the collective soul of North America, South America, Africa, Europe, and Australasia to fall for Michael Jackson’s dance moves and inimitable androgynous silken voice despite thousands of years of glorious indigenous music tradition.
Michael Jackson’s torrid love affair with India was the song and dance- the very pillars of the mutual admiration society. Here’s Michael Jackson dancing Bharatanatyam in the Black or White Video! And we couldn’t hate him for it despite its canned and ambitious theme of racial tolerance, which Indians were in desperate need of in the United States and India and everywhere else. Here’s Michael Jackson emerging on a stage in Bombay from a f***ing spaceship in a f***ing spacesuit! In an alien world, Michael Jackson fit right in, right as rain during monsoon season.
India was all in for MJ. If you peer close enough, the various shades of MJ’s skin over the years exactly matched those of different Indian gene pools. Lookalikes and lounge acts sprouted up from Kashmir to Kannyakumari, from Bajagoli to Bengal, from Chennai to Chowpatty Beach to Chandigarh. Kids and adults at home, in the streets, at wedding halls, in the slums and on the riverbanks danced joyously to MJ’s music as only Indians can. College students dressed up and jerry-curled like him, riding their BMX bicycles to class like it wasn’t no thing.
At many a nadir in US-India relations, MJ was a far superior and more effortless US diplomat, friend, and representative than any government official could hope to be. He represented so much that was great about the American story. In a land littered with brutal racists, religious bigotry, misogyny and caste chauvinism, Indians loved this black man as their own. In this, again, India was no exception. MJ’s blackness is almost an afterthought in society, so transcendental was the King of Pop.
There will never be another Michael Jackson in pop music, just as America will never be great “again.” There will be an endless parade of mediocrity and self-absorbed pop tarts grabbing their 15 minutes of fame until the next generation completes their first menstrual cycles and nocturnal emissions just in time to grab the frame and assault our sensibilities on what is good in this world.
Michael Jackson lives on in India. In 2016, a 10-foot statue cut from a single black stone from my home state of Karnataka (like the Vietnam Veterans Memorial) was dedicated to Michael Jackson utilizing an unmistakably Indian sculpting method, the star forever frozen in a hot place to the soundtrack of Beat It. In a meta-story for the ages, at the unveiling was the Tamillionaire Prabhu Deva himself (pictured above), India’s answer and living homage to Michael Jackson. The sizzling Indian dancer owes much to his spiritual mentor, just as Martin Luther King, Jr. did to Mahatma Gandhi on the time/space bridge of black and brown. The statue of Michael looks suspiciously like an Indian holy man. And that suits us just fine.
Mahanth Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor. He is OK with sharing initials with the more famous person in this case.
Trump’s Pakistan Aid Threat is Not so Easy
Donald Trump’s first tweet of 2018 made a huge splash around the world. It was that rare sort of Trump foreign policy statement that didn’t deny collusion with Russia, or taunt North Korea’s Kim Jong Un. It was about withdrawing US aid to Pakistan.
The United States has foolishly given Pakistan more than 33 billion dollars in aid over the last 15 years, and they have given us nothing but lies & deceit, thinking of our leaders as fools. They give safe haven to the terrorists we hunt in Afghanistan, with little help. No more!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 1, 2018
My first instinct was to agree with the premise. I was shocked by positive truths while visiting Pakistan, but I have long thought that the United States should predicate the billions in military and civil aid to Pakistan on effectiveness and measurable progress towards eliminating terrorism and increasing economic development, respectively. It would be fair to take some of that aid away at this point. Pakistan’s government has proven over and over again that a large chunk of US aid will go to build up its armed forces against India and twist the spigot of American blood in Afghanistan to and fro. This dirty double game has been going on ever since 9/11.
credit: Pfc. Cameron Boyd
Ending the double game is a noble goal. But it’s not so simple. The Trump administration is ramping up the US military presence in Afghanistan by thousands of troops, even as yet another American soldier was killed and four others critically injured there on the day of Trump’s above tweet. The longest war in American history continues even further into Year 17. We are in endless territory when it comes to US blood and treasure and the suffering of the Afghan people. We hardly know or understand who we are fighting and why. The media hardly bothers to cover that war anymore even when Americans die. It’s the textbook definition of mission creep.
Pakistan has been a beneficiary of this war’s largesse from the start, from Bush through Obama to Trump, partly because the US military supply lines run heavily through Pakistan’s ports, airspace, and roads. America pays dearly for the right to use Pakistan’s resources. Cutting off US funds to Pakistan could also result in an explosion of fire and fury as terrorists are unleashed from Pakistani territory and other parts of the world in retaliation by dark networks we aren’t very good at tracking.
Like most half-cocked Trump policy prescriptions, the foreign policy establishment in the United States has no plan prepared to follow through on the threat. The Tweet was poorly timed. How can you cut off aid to Pakistan when you need them for your war? Without winding down the war in Afghanistan, or being able to control Pakistani terrorists or nukes minus the local government’s help, Pakistan still has America by the balls. Even drone strikes in Pakistan require local human intelligence. These things cannot be separated. India’s rejoicing may be premature, and I’m not the only one saying so.
We shall watch now how it all unfolds.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
VIDEO: A Shotgun Wedding in Bihar
People across the United States and India often joke and laugh about “shotgun weddings,” where a man is forced to make an honest woman out of a woman by marrying her, and if he were to refuse, he’d be staring down the barrel of a gun, which say somethin’ diff’rent. Usually it’s the bride’s father holding the firearm, and it’s almost always due to the girl having gotten pregnant.
Most people have never had to see one happen. However, a real-life shotgun wedding caught on video this week has taken the world by storm. Engineer Vinod Kumar was actually kidnaped from a friend’s wedding, beaten up or “thrashed” as they like to say in India by the bride’s family goondas, and then forced to get married at gunpoint at another location. He was brought there bound, as you can see in the video, and clearly against his will. It’s not funny at all. The poor guy cried during the ceremony, while it’s unclear whether the veiled bride on the left was trying to console him, or felt sad for what her family was doing to this guy. Fortunately, the police are investigating in this case, although sometimes people are even scared to report cases to a corrupt government apparatus which may do nothing but more harm.
It’s now 2018. Marriage kidnappings are unfortunately all too common in India, but usually it’s a woman who is captured to be the bride. Whether it’s a bride or groom, this type of behavior is completely illegal, morally unacceptable, and wholly unbecoming of a country that wants a larger role in world affairs. We show this video not as entertainment, but to inform and galvanize a society that should never let this happen to men or women, period.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
VIDEO: Does the Simpsons’ Apu Need a Do-Over?
Comedian Hari Kondabulu gave millions of Indians around the world a voice by tackling the subject of Apu from the multi-decade hit cartoon sitcom, The Simpsons. He decided to make a documentary film called “The Problem with Apu” on TruTV which asks some fundamental questions about Apu and why he has to be the way he is. As we all know, Apu is a minstrel with a fake accent and his appearances comprise an unending parade of unforgivably unfunny stereotypes of an Indian convenience store owner in any town USA.
So ingrained is Apu on the world’s consciousness that when I went to a remote region of Brazil where they never see any Indians, many of the locals nicknamed me Apu for the week. This is literally the first thing that people who have never met Indians think about when they see an Indian.
The documentary is worth watching, whether you believe Indians are being way too sensitive about Apu, or you are outraged by the minstrel portrayal of Indians by white voice actor, Hank Azaria. Above you will see the TruTV trailer.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
