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Time to get Cozy, Bear Life as a Russian Vassal State

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Can you grin and bear it?

The debate about whether Russia is running the Pervert Orangutan White House Reality Show Zoo along with the entire Gutless Orwellian Party (GOP) from top to tail is entirely moot.  It’s over.  Done.  The takeover is complete.  There’s nothing to debate, for anyone with half the IQ of a fancy bear.  Which apparently is not too many of us.  Our dumb, misinformed, and uneducated asses have been ripe for a rapacious takeover for a while now, and the descent towards authoritarianism shockingly took as long as 242 years before we exchanged the Tory Loyalists of King George III for the Trump #MAGAts of Comrade Putin I.  And if we are to be the least bit honest with ourselves, the only real questions ever were whether Russia or China took us over first, and how long that would take- for all that needed doing was easily exploiting above all our glaring inability to protect ourselves in the cyber arena.  Because, you know, we isn’t don’t be so good at math and computer stuff, and stuff, or even English, and we sure as hell wouldn’t allow enough Asian immigrants into the country in time to save ourselves.  Thanks, decades of retrograde anti-immigrant GOP!  Enjoy your gulags of borscht, #MAGAts.

We are at least fortunate that the suspense is finally over.  The answers to the takeover race questions are: Winner/2016/Russia.  It’s all because to most Americans, science, technology engineering, & math (STEM) are as foreign a concept as shitting into a latrine hole in the ground in the sticks of Djibouti while pirates stand around and watch.  We are inured to the realities of the outside world, foolishly thinking that an excessive, clumsy, and creaky 20th century military machine of nukes, ships, tanks, jets, drones, helos, and broken toy soldiers were going to forever protect us when foreign countries’ bad hombres actively lurk in our social media, emails, power grids, military systems, corporate servers, and political party infrastructure in a dystopian tentacle porn equivalent of ass rape.  America is super well prepared to fight the next great war using 1973 technology, and decimate all comers!  Thanks so much, GOP!  Gracias for the trillions of dollars in debt-exploding defense spending, eroding our privacy and freedom, bogging us down in Afghanistan and surrounding countries into year 17 with no mission, no plan, and no end in sight.  All the while remaining highly vulnerable to penetration by hostile countries and terrorists while screaming about Muslims.  Because, America!

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Founding Fathers Frankly Flay Trump

*Writer’s note: Credit Bill Maher and his guest, historian John Meachem, for briefly discussing on Friday what the founding fathers may have thought of the current nightmare American government has morphed into.  Meachem cleverly insinuated that the fathers might have actually been surprised that it took THIS long to get a tyrant into power.  This got me thinking, and writing.

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

***

GW = George Washington;

TJ = Thomas Jefferson;

BF = Benjamin Franklin

The three men are seated in a bar on M Street, Georgetown, in Washington, DC, May 2018, sipping ale

GW:    Want me to be frank?  Honestly I feel energized…  Oh glorious day!  Finally, Americans will have the chance once again to fight a tyrant who endeavors to rule over them and once again, prove their mettle to the world!  What luck for the citizens of 2018 to be born into an era on the razor’s edge between democracy and dictatorship not seen for so long, not since 1776.  242 years of laziness and complacency have not the Republic served well.

TJ:      George, as per usual proving much the indefatigable and overconfident jock…always relishing, nay, spoiling for the next fight.  Your masculinity and raging hormones at times cloud your judgment, methinks.  And the Yoda thing, you’ve been watching too much Star Wars lately, Sir.

BF:      Speaking of.  My labs are quite close to reverse engineering a portable light saber, which may one day yet prove fruitful to my secret Jedi contacts at the US Special Forces Command (SOCOM).

TJ:        But you do digress, Benjamin.

BF:       Indeed, but I do digress from your very own digression.  Digressions and transgressions are those aspects of our personalities which make us human, Thomas.  Embrace them like the polymath you are.

TJ:         Benjamin, ever the philosopher.  Coming back to this tyrant, this Pervert Orangutan of sorts.

GW:       This tyrant who lies in bed eating cheeseburgers two miles away from us will be defeated by the institutions and systems we put into place to check and balance just such a vile figure.  We were brilliant in our framings and ruminations in the late 18th century.

TJ:           You are quite upbeat, old chap.  But what if the tyrant beats the patriots this time and our little experiment goes to shit within just 242 years?  What if he succeeds in cancelling democracy?

GW:        Did I sit around crying in the freezing winter cold of Valley Forge, my men dying of hypothermia and lacking even food rations or shoes, obsessed by the specter of defeat, allowing my troops to witnesseth my mourning in my own depression well before anti-depressant pills were even invented?

BF:          Bravo, George.  But let us not underestimate the lengths I went to in Paris, wining and dining my way across town and wooing all manner of ladies to gain the trust of the Versaille court and bring France to our cause.

GW:          Such hardships you had to overcome, Benjamin.  Without exploring the cracks, one will not find the Liberty Bell that today does yet ring so sweet and true, eh?

BF:          We aren’t so different, you and I.  George, you are a born pugilist and I, a natural diplomat.  One hand washes the other.

GW:        We also happen to agree that light sabers are fabulous, and of the highest order of importance is their speedy production without delay for our soldiers at arms.

TJ:            We seem to have a political party, the Repugnicans, that is somehow fallen in line 100% behind the tyrant and his dictatorial tendencies.  Those within the party ranks who speak out are raked over the coals most cruelly and unusually.

GW:          Didn’t we ban such punishing behaviors in the outset?

TJ:             Tell that to the boys of Abu-Grab!

BF:            In seriousness, perhaps the threat of gravest import is the number of our American descendents who are so willing to support the tyrant no matter what he does.  He could shoot a person on 5th Avenue, but the sheep would still follow.  Some citizens seem to have forgotten the value of democracy, voting rights, human dignity, a free press, and facts.  Without these, our little experiment could be dead in the water.

TJ:              These fools stand at 40% of the adult population only, and not enough to maintain the corrupt tyranny for long.

GW:            Let us be honest with ourselves, Sirs.  WE too, miss our slaves.

BF:               Of course.  But most people moved on long ago, while some others did not, especially in those pesky former southern colonies built on cotton, tobacco, and loathing.

GW:              The institutions led by patriotic Americans will always win against the wannabe tyrants.  We baked it into the system.  We will see victorious patriots winning the elections, marching in the streets, gaining the upper hand in courts, and in general waking up the country to the potential for possibility and progress.

TJ:                What will become of those supporters of the tyrant who witness their pipe dreams of white male supremacy and retrograde social rules cruelly dragged along and dashed to the ground once and for all?

BF:              Who cares about what happened to the loyal deputies of King George who wanted to see US lose?  Their time on the wrong side of history too shall soon come to pass in front of the world.

GW:            Anon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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