Truth is stranger than fiction. If we were to write a movie about the Donald Trump criminal empire, one could not hope to do a better job of casting the film than with the real-life goons, perverts, traitors, gangsters, mercenaries, puppet masters, wife-beaters, drunks, pedophiles, fraudsters, shysters, hucksters, con men, hookers, porn stars, madams, gold-diggers, lowlifes, and yes, heroes of the true story.
Every single one of these people is out of central casting. They embody the spirit of this time so well. It would be a marvel to get all of these characters to play themselves. It’s just all so damn perfect exactly as is.
THE GODFATHER. In a virtual graveyard of losers, there is only one winner standing, grinning and shirtless in all this mess, and that is Vladimir Putin. The diabolical puppet master played Obama, Hillary, Donald Trump, the American people, and all the rest of us for fools. Successfully. Donald Trump and his criminal family enterprise will end up going down, yet Putin will remain standing when this is all over, more powerful than before. I’m a bit ashamed to admit I admire the evil genius of this man, who pulled all the strings just so perfectly. Americans will forever disagree on what happened in 2016, and hate each other over it, which is exactly what Putin wanted. Christ, American families have fallen apart over 2016! He wanted to be caught and even left digital footprints on purpose, according to the most intelligent narratives out of the CIA. Well done, Vlad the Impaler!
THE DESERT KINGDOM BUTCHER. A correction is in order. There is a second winner, on Vlad’s coat tails. Saudi Arabia is a fascinating place where I spent some of the best years of my life in childhood. The royal family has for decades managed to ingratiate themselves in the halls of American power, with administrations of both parties, turning off and on the gushing spigots of oil, money, blood, and oil blood money. The brash young Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman (MBS) not only purged his own royal family, Shiite clerics, and journalists such as American resident Jamal Khashoggi of the Washington Post; America blessed these actions because he bought and paid for the Trump family, especially Jared Kushner. Not only does the White House remain in omerta over the royal rogue’s butchery; they have amazingly KNOWN ABOUT and SUPPORTED MBS hijinks. How far America has fallen to become a doormat for the mud and blood on the bottom of dictators’ shoes!
THE LAST BOY SCOUT. If you choose to believe in God and that God cares about the fate of America, look no further for evidence- as evidence is appropriately the name of the game in 2019. There is a reason that a portrait of the courageous war hero and law enforcement polymath Robert Mueller hangs on the wall of my office about three feet from my heart during business hours. The slayer of Enron and the Mafia, the guarantor of the Constitution, and the protector of law and order is manifest in one man. Every day in my executive government career I strive to reach the integrity, purpose, discipline, good works, public service, and iron will of the most important man in US government. Against astounding odds and the power of the White House and an entire political party apparatus obstructing him day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, this modern day stoic warrior-poet has lifted the nation’s soul every day toward our better angels. Without uttering a single word. Letting his actions do the talking. With a singularly American hero like Mueller stalking the halls of Washington, embattled in the most important war of our lifetimes, America will have many great days to yet come!
THE BLOND BOMBSHELL. I am a huge fan of Stormy Daniels. Not her “work” in the area of pornography- she is honestly not my type at all- but her legal efforts with Michael Avenatti to help unravel the Cohen-presidential election mischief. Laws were broken, lives were changed, and there must be consequences to pay. Like Mueller, Stormy will come to be seen by history as a hero, though she did sleep with #FatNixon right after his wife gave birth. On that front I assign more blame to him than her- she did it to get on his reality TV show, which is a lie he dangled in front of her. Shocking, this man lies! Including about this affair.
BELTWAY BARBIE BAGHDAD BOB. They say the apple does not fall far from the tree. In the case of Sarah Colonel Huckabilly Sanders, she has inherited all of the aw-shucks bible-humping piss and vinegar of her Daddy, paired with a conscience-free ability to lie to the American people every single day with a straight face. Baghdad Bob himself would be so proud of this dictator’s mouthpiece. I am a mere mortal, with human emotions I cannot deny to my dear reader. I shall drink and dance and revel and debauch myself when this particular traitor goes down!
BAGHDAD BOB BELTWAY BARBIE. Not to be confused with Colonel Sanders, sister-in-crime Kellyanne Conway is a buffoonish cartoon villain straight out of a Disney movie. I have no doubt she goes home at night and slowly burns kittens and puppies in her fireplace. The only thing she has done right is marry a man with a conscience. The ease with which she lies and cheats when presented with inconvenient truths is astounding. No wonder this is the evil woman who coined “alternative facts”!
THE BROKE-ASS FIXER. Once in a while I reflect upon whether to feel sorry for Michael Cohen, Trump’s lead goon on a team full of goons. As Trump’s lawyer and fixer, the man was asked to do some nasty things, which he is at least man enough to own up to. Finally he is telling the truth to the American people about his dirty deeds, done dirt cheap. Yes, this tragic figure is going to jail. This guy looks the part, acts the part, and sounds the part of a New York shylock. No, I don’t feel sorry for you after all you schmuck!
THE EASTERN EUROPEAN FEMBOT. La Femme Melania is straight out of central casting. She escaped from the wrong side of the Iron Curtain only to enable fascist dictatorship here in America. One cannot find a more perfect fit upon scouring this earth. The only thing you need to know about her is that she CHOSE to marry the clown-ostensibly without a gun to her head, but who knows with this crowd. She is the perfect combination of a cynical gold-digger who desperately wants to be seen as a great person, with zero talent. Her means are unconventional at best: she uses her normally idle hands to troll others. Plagiarizing Michelle Obama and throwing her staffer under the bus was her grand introduction to America. Remember “Be Best?” So is she trolling all of us? Trolling her husband? Or “I Don’t Care Do U?” Let me tell you what I don’t care about. I don’t care who she is trolling- it needs to end!
HITLER YOUTH IN A BOTTLE. This just may be the best one of all. Who knew that 2019 America could manufacture such a model? What can possibly be said about Stephen Miller that already hasn’t been? The White House’s resident Neo-Nazi since the departure of Bannon has been plugging away in the bowels of the White House, concocting one racist policy after the other in exchange for a few pats on the head by the boss periodically. Muslim Ban, the Wall, and various other creepy fascist fantasies have been authored in the dark mind of Miller. America can only hope that these ideas will be thrown into the dustbin of history where they belong!
McTURTLENECK. One of the most depressing and disappointing developments of the #PervertOrangutan era is learning that America could descend into dictatorship with the willing assistance of a huge US political party apparatus. The entire GOP just folded in 2016 even as the establishment was railroaded personally and professionally by an authoritarian movement with white male supremacist fantasy at its very core. Mitch, Paul Ryan, and their minions bent over and took it, Rubles, Riyals, and all in order to stay in power, even if staying in power meant turning America into a Russian vassal state!
THE WORST FIRST FAMILY IN US HISTORY. Melanie, as evil as she is, does not even qualify as the worst member of the criminal family enterprise. She doesn’t sip America’s blood off her silver spoon in Trump Tower the way the Trump kids do.
Don, Jr. welcomed Russian help in winning the election with open arms just as his dad was inviting Russia to hack Hillary. Completely lacking a moral center, his only lament from the affair, which blew up this week, is that the Russians brought no dirt on Hillary to the fateful meeting after all following promises of the same. Like Donald, this man is uglier than he thinks he is, a compulsive liar, a spoiled brat, a tool, and a fool. Perfect material for the president’s namesake!
Ivanka plays this dirty game of pretending to care enough about climate change or women’s issues to take away five minutes from her main life’s work, selling third-rate sweatshop slave made apparel at astronomical prices, to talk about these political issues in Vogue magazine. Only for us to find she has no effect on policy whatsoever as her dad proceeds rapaciously to quicken environmental destruction and dismantle women’s health programs. Ivanka is a poorly made up cover front, smiling and dolling up for the magazines and fooling nobody on the right side of things.
None of this is Ivanka’s worst. She brought in yet another prince of darkness, as if there weren’t enough of those little Fauntleroys sitting around already, in the creepy form of her half-baked husband, Jared Kushner. Shockingly, he might be more incompetent and entitled than his siblings-in-law. He repeatedly lies about everything he does, including on national security paperwork. Barely qualified to run a corner ice cream store, the failed real estate magnate-scion wannabe has been given widespread responsibilities encompassing many aspects of domestic and foreign policy, for which he shows zero aptitude or original thought beyond family loyalty. It is a brazen nepotism play that is highly unethical, if barely legal.
Then we have Eric Trump, the wannabe tough guy big game hunter, who uses charity fundraising as a way to make more money for the Trump organization. This is a perfect metaphor for all the Trumps and how they use the organization for self-enrichment and self-aggrandizement. There was one area where the family lacked any clout, the political, and they descended on the carcass of the Republican party like a pack of hyenas. The rest is history! Easily the worst first family ever!
Pervert Orangutan. Could a Hollywood scriptwriter ever come up with this plot and this antagonist? The answer is, not a chance in the world. None of us could possibly have this much imagination. We are at apex and epitome territory. Racist. Sexist. Hooligan. Anti-immigrant. Sexual predator. Con man. Sociopathic liar. Conscience-less and morals-free. Cheater- on business contracts, on marriages, in elections, in debates, and of any type of rule, law, or regulation. With this man, my friends, the presidency has hit true rock bottom. If we go any lower, we will cease to exist as a democracy!
There are so many others. Perhaps we can do a Part 2 in time.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
The sins of 2018 Washington are far more morally bankrupt than we can even know. Today we are witnessing what happens when America abdicates its moral responsibility not only to itself but also to the rest of the world. America is now run by a narcissistic white supremacist sex-tyrant and his two-bit goons who have turned their back on humanity in favor of self-enrichment and self-aggrandizement. The mantle of leadership is intentionally being handed off to a Rogue’s Gallery of other tin-pot dictators and hoods more than delighted to jump into the void that such abdication of responsibility has created, to run the agenda for the chaotic new world order. Cabals of oil-soaked Middle Eastern monarchs, racist Brexit douche bags, the Chinese Premier Xi Jinping who just crowned himself Dictator-4-Life, the democracy-cancelling Vlad the Impaler, and North Korean nut job Dear Leader Kim Jong Un are all gleefully ascendant these days, happily purging rivals and journalists without consequence left and right. Even India’s Narendra Modi, who somehow came into power without money or family (the only two things that used to matter in Indian politics) to capture the imagination of a nation and the global Indian, has proven his default factory setting is “Ruthless Strongman.” What a crying shame, all around.
A few of us versed in history already know how this ends. We are experiencing a glitch in the system, and the anti-virus software is taking care of it as we speak. I’ve written before that the last gasp of white male supremacy would go down not with a whimper, but with a prolonged fight and heavy costs. That day is upon us all. A war hero named Robert Mueller has agreed to enjoin this fight. The anti-virus is already working his magic. Mueller has quickly become the most important person in the entire US government apparatus.
Contrast if you will the ethically impeccable actions of this clean-cut boy scout with those of his screwball sewer rat opponents. Whereas a crotchety, curmudgeonly, sexually deviant, and senile old gang of Trump, Giuliani, Stone, and their minions stumble around spewing incoherent brain farts, undisciplined verbal diarrhea and desperate attacks on law enforcement to the media and social media every hour, their nemesis Mueller has not uttered a single word since he dutifully took on by far the most important and challenging job of not only his, but our lifetimes.
Absence any words, there have been loud actions. Well-written and bulletproof indictments, subpoenas, and arrests against Russians and the American traitors who conspired with them will continue to roll out under Mueller’s able supervision of the Legal Dream Team specially assembled for the task. All evidence points straight to the top, and everyone in Washington already knows it even if they pretend not to. Somewhere in the bowels of a nondescript DC office building, a man is quietly toiling, largely unrecognized, on our behalf. That man is all that stands between us and dictatorship right now.
The GOP long ago dropped their soiled pants, bent over, and sold out the country when they selfishly nominated a wannabe dictator to lead them into authoritarian and fascist territory for their own short-term survival, long after they knew he cheated. Meanwhile, the Republican-led Congress is such a heartless, spineless, corrupt and cruel joke in 2018, nobody even pretends that it’s meant to provide a hint of a check or balance on the executive branch anymore. This Congress is the perfect kind of ruse you would love to abuse if you were a dictator masquerading as a f***ing president.
The Democrats are too weak to mount even a feeble unified resistance effort as they continue to fight their own petty internecine wars and struggle to stand for anything coherent, or coalesce around a leader or a vision. Among the options for 2020 are tired old choices such as Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, both of them likable enough yet constant reminders of how long they have been around the forefront of a hapless and stale losing team.
Sure, #BlueWave in 2018, #Resistance, Get Out the Vote, yada, yada! I even wrote about how I will finally call myself a Democrat for the first time in 2018 out of reluctant necessity. But whatever happens in November, it won’t be good enough to guarantee that the glitch in our system will be wiped so we can finally reboot the laptop once and for all. A blue wave, if it happens, might not be good enough to get an impeachment-worthy majority in both houses, which even a group of undeveloped fetuses swimming the backstroke in a kiddie pool of amniotic fluid should be able to achieve against an avowed dictator’s political party- the Gang Who Couldn’t Shoot Straight themselves!- in the US of A in 2018.
Instead we are precariously dependent on an older white Republican man, of all people, so the party who screwed this all up so badly for us can take out their own trash.
All that’s left is our deeply flawed judicial system. Even on its good days, the courts need executive branch prosecutors to bring strong and tight cases forward, because there is zero margin for error on the brink of dictatorship. Robert Mueller is unusually well suited to the pressure and thanklessness of the role he is playing in US history. His findings will be strong enough to end the charade of legitimacy and mockery of justice we have been forced into by 2019. In the opinion of most legal scholars, that work is already done and Mueller is just poking around in search of gravy to strengthen the case further- and those spigots of gravy are spewing all over the map of treason, lies, and cheating as we speak.
The bad guys just don’t get it, and never will. Mueller by all accounts is that rare prominent civil servant driven not by power, money, favor, fame, or glory. He didn’t volunteer for the Vietnam War, or the current one, for any of those reasons. He has no other ambitions beyond this job. The man can neither be bought off, nor scared away. Those more predictable and base motivations drive his small-minded opponents who cheated their way out of war. Refreshingly, Mueller does it because it’s right, though that’s not why he is going to win.
Mueller is going to win because some people are simply better than others. Superior human beings tend to defeat inferior human beings in the long run, even when the losers cheat.
Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor
Photo Credit: theintercept.com