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COMIC: Not My Dictator

 

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2016 was the Best of Times, and the Worst of Times

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techielobang.com

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor

For revelers in India, the United States, and elsewhere in the world, I don’t want to make this retrospective look at 2016 too long.  I figured a few key thoughts in bullet points would suffice.  And then, carry on with your champagne!  Party like it’s the last time you’ll party, ever!

  • The United States is not only in decline, but in accelerating decline.  The real danger to Americans is not any external threat, but how much Americans hate one another.  This hatred is being openly exploited.  The new enemy is the enemy within.  Facts are rarely agreed upon any more.  This has made it exceedingly easy for external threats to damage the United States with minimal effort.  Then they sit back and laugh without firing a single shot.
  • 2016 was the best year ever in US-India government to government relations.  This relationship will only improve in 2017 regardless of the changes to be made under a new US administration.
  • We are heading closer toward the new world order of three fighters left in the ring: the United States, China, and India.  Europe has folded and is no longer in the game.  The United States is now the aging boxer who has gotten hit in the head one too many times (Rocky) who will hopefully train the young dark-skinned prodigy India (Creed) for the coming bouts of the future with another, stronger up-and-coming boxer named China.  Leadership of the mid-21st century world is now at stake.
  • India’s biggest 2016 paradigm-shifting event, demonetization happened on the same day as the 2016 US election, November 8.  DeMo is unquestionably an unmitigated and cruel short-term disaster, though this aggressive and authoritarian move may prove to have some benefits in the long-term, especially on the forced transition toward a cashless economy, and a steady increase in tax receipts.  Time should tell.
  • Despite the angry nationalistic tendencies sweeping across practically every white-majority country in the world with a vengeance, power is fast devolving from the nation-state to the city-state.  This massive devolution of power from national capitals towards cities such as Shanghai, Mumbai, Dubai, Hong Kong, Singapore, London, Rio, San Francisco, and New York means that there is still hope for peace, inclusion, and climate change reversal on this earth despite bumbling national governments.

And with that usindiamonitor will leave you to your devices, on that relatively high note.  Happy new year, dear reader.  I would be pleased to see you back here in 2017.

 

 

MoNa Ki Baat: Cash Ka Kasht. Bundles of Black Hidden, DeMo Happened. What Now?

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EDITOR’S NOTE:

About MoNa:

I am a real human.  I live in India.  I love India and Narendra Modi (NaMo) for his vision for a clean, developed and economically vibrant India. I also love beef, pork, sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling and rock’ n roll (in no specific order).

MoNa will now take your questions!!!  Today, we have the second-ever installment of the MoNa series known as MoNa Ki Baat.  Stay tuned for more from MoNa in the near future.

***

Dear MoNa,

My late grandfather, who started my family’s business over 60 years ago, said to never show our net worth publicly, or we would be bankrupted.  So, in spite of being able to afford to drive a new BMW every year, I choose to ride a scooter around town. Myself and my cousins all work in the family business of jewellery and we are well known in our temple town. We never cheat a paying customer out of the goods purchased and our gold is the purest in a 50 KM radius. God has been kind, Gold has been Gold and our family business has flourished.

Like many, our store deals in mostly cash.  Nearly all customers pay in cash. Separately, we must pay government officials, the local Hindu temple, and an assortment of cops and “goondas” for permits, licenses, delivery rights, physical bodily protection, smooth flow of utilities, and to avoid sham investigations and inspections into our property. In fact, I have retained a broker on staff whose job is to handle these negotiations and payments, along with debt collections.  You may not be surprised to hear, he is a non-vegetarian and also black belt in karate and Silambam.

DeMo has come as a shock to the family. Our family dark room contains briefcases full of cash and an assortment of other valuables.  One of the reasons we have survived in business so long is by hiding our stockpiles of cash from the bankers, who are all sharing the bed with politicians, bureaucrats, and the assortment of cops and “goondas” in my town who would expect my payments to increase to unsustainable levels beyond the legal taxes.

B.Com is not preparing us for this!  Please provide the needful guidance, whatever you think is best.

– Satya Satyanarayanan, Undisclosed location, SOUTH INDIA

***

Dear Satya,

Your dad should have named you Suppandi. You have done everything wrong other than being in the business of Gold, but, since that was your grandfather’s doing, you can’t even take credit for that, Suppandi.

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via Tinkleonline.com

Here’s what you do –

  1. Throw a party with non-vegetarian food, dancing girls and alcohol – invite the assortment of goondas, bureaucrats, cops, politicians and bankers from your town. You will be surprised at the solutions that will emerge in the presence of permissive girls and alcohol. Your current problems will vanish and your business will flourish to greater heights than your grandfather ever dreamed of. Word of caution though – keep away from taking too many loans from your new found banker friends. I will connect you with my friend Vijay Mallya for advice on how to navigate that maze whenever you feel overwhelmed.

  2. Once your new found friends get you out of your current pickle, change your lifestyle. Buy things, get girlfriends, make assorted chinna veedus, go on foreign vacations and spend your money. You might be right about not spending on that BMW, though. Dipa Karmakar can vouch for the parking and driving problems with a 5 series in small towns

  3. If all else fails, have your Silambam fellow secretly take photos and videos at the parties, using great precautions to keep the camera hidden, so that your “black” problem can conveniently become someone else’s “black-mail” problem.

Word of caution on your new life and a new set of creatures you will see called MBAs who will try to sell you on a concept called “cashless”. Make them believe that you are in awe of their brilliance and maybe even invest in their businesses which they call “fintech”. But, you keep your business the way it is. You can tell who your real friends, customers and associates are when they say – “Cash only, please”. Your real real friends will say – “US Dollars or Swiss Francs only, please”.

All the best, my dear Suppandi. I am available for that party and will collect my attendance fee in gold only, please.  The hidden cameras are only active up until I arrive, fashionably late of course. 😉

—MoNa

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