I take zero pleasure in the foibles of the pathetic last remnants and fossils of the decrepit and rotting British monarchy. I just want them to go away permanently from our already-fragile COVID-era consciences, along with their Netflix dramas. As an Indian-American, I have a certain sincere fondness for the British. Indeed they did rule for very long periods of time over my actual ancestors in India and my spiritual colonial ancestors in what ultimately became the United States. Their legacy in both nations is enduring and undeniable, especially when it comes to the language, education, culture, democratic and judicial principles, and infrastructure including the vaunted Indian railway system. I also lived in England for a year as a 12-year old in 1991-92, and had an amazing experience there in so many ways. British history is amazingly fascinating and ancient. The worst Indian restaurant in Greater London, where I lived, is better than the very best Indian restaurant in New York City, where I also lived.

But despite all that, all is NOT excused. The media would have us believe that the dark side of royalty supposedly rears its ugly head- not that I give a damn. News flash! Racism??? Of COURSE most if not all the damn British royals are racist to the core, along with most of British society, as I learned as a 12 year old who was looked upon with an air of superiority by most British whites. Any idiots who didn’t know they are racist need to have their heads examined. We don’t need someone preening for the cameras, like Meghan Markle and her husband whatsisname to tell us that in a beyond-cliche interview with Oprah. Their family, not at all very long ago, bloody ruled over India for centuries as if India was their personal maid and mistress, plundering and pillaging India’s riches for the British crown- and today’s remnants and fossils of the family are living opulently off that plunder still today without shame or self-awareness or remorse or regret-the types of human emotions most of us humans might feel in their position. Literally MILLIONS of Indians were tortured and murdered during the British occupation decade by decade, century by century. A foremost hero of the last century, Mahatma Gandhi, was defined by his movement to kick the oppressive and uppity Brits the Hell out of Dodge without even using a gun or a dagger.

I find it hard to give a damn about these bizarrely worshiped and overrated human beings. I understand the heart’s desire to be attracted to greatness in various forms. I am in fact very much part of that. I admire athletes, actors, musicians, engineers, surgeons, and painters for their decades of hard work and dedication to perfecting their craft. I admire business leaders like Elon Musk who stand athwart the biggest problem of our time, climate change; and politicians like Barack Obama for breaking glass ceilings for all of the world’s humanity against all odds and with great sacrifice. What are we supposed to admire the British royals for? Drinking tea and playing polo, and not falling over when they get drunk in their ball gowns studded with stolen Indian diamonds?

Meghan I’ve no doubt, has had some serious and real problems with that family whose dirty laundry she is airing- and the racism and sexism and anti-Americanism and all that is sub-optimal. But she is perfectly suited for this drama: an already-wealthy person with some ostensible talent (I’ve never seen her acting so far) that fell for the so-called Prince Charming who had accomplished nothing beyond being a famously nasty playboy throughout his young adult life who pretended to play soldier, like his brother. She fell for the mystique of Buckingham Palace and bodyguards who don’t move and tight polo pants and whatever her fantasies about them were. Repeat: fantasies. I don’t really give a damn about her either, playing the victim card just like all the other royals or ex-royals or whatever the Hell these people are begging us for sympathy for.

They are not the problem, these mediocre wastes of space. The problem is ALL OF US out there who give a damn about this tabloid feeding frenzy drama, who rubber-neck at the train wreck of this bunch of people who have accomplished nothing in life except an undemocratic transfer of billions of pounds in inheritance money stolen by others, for others, from others, especially brown people.

WHAT A BUNCH OF LIMEY PONCEY WANKERS. ALL OF THEM. BOTH SIDES. Why am I supposed to care again?

Mahanth S. Joishy is Editor of usindiamonitor